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Lets just jump in. ...When I left Shang High I was very angry... I felt like I had been betrayed by everyone I loved, so I didn't what angry teens did at that time, I took everyone of of my myspace friend list, changed my myspace name, shaved my head, and bought a skateboard. For the first couple of weeks at my new school, I tried not to talk to anyone. I didn't want to make friends, I didn't want to get hurt again, I wanted to remain aloof and cool. At lunch I would sit by myself on top of my skateboard, and stare out at the world from behind my huge red rimmed sunglasses that I wore everyday. All the time the outcasts of the school would come up to me and try to start conversations, I gave them short answers to their questions, and never took off my sunglasses. They would ask me if I'd like to sit with their groups, and I always turned them down. Sometimes during lunch, I would sit in my history teachers room, with other kids, but never "with" the other kids. Then fate decided to step in. Stupid fate- always interfering with my plans. Outside of my history teacher's room sat a group of friends. One of whom was a very attractive sophomore, who every time i walked by would say, "Hi!" I would pretend not to hear and play it cool. One day I had some business in the office and I had to go back and forth quite a few times, and every time I left or came back, the boy would say, "Hi!" Eventually I got tired of it and turned to him and his group of friends and yelled, "What the fuck man?! Hi!!" He looked completely abashed and said softly, "I was only trying to be nice." The look on his face probably could have broken Batman's, Superman's, and Stone Cold Steve Austin's hearts all at once. Me, being cool, just walked off and basically forgot the incident, and the kid all together. For the next few days after that, though, I kept hearing about how I had gone off on some kid. I denied the claims, though, because I had never really talked to anyone, and didn't remember yelling at the boy. I heard it from my English teacher, I heard it from my History teacher, and I heard it from his older sister, who thought it was amusing. I had totally forgotten the kid. One day I was in one of my strange good mood I saw this vaguely familiar, good looking, boy standing in the hallway, near my history teacher's room. I walked up to him and said, " Hi. I think we've met before, but I didn't catch your name- what was it?" Not knowing, of course, that this was the boy everyone was talking about. He looked at me extremely unsure and said slowly, "Uh, Mikey." "OK!" I turned to walk away, and he looked terribly confused. After I had taken a few steps I remembered that I had not introduced myself, I turned on my heel and said, with a big grin, " I'm {first name}, it's nice to meet you!" and walked away. About an hour later I had a crazy flashback and remembered where I had seen the boy before, and had a little private chuckle at my own insanity. Eventually I stared standing near the group of friends at lunch, listening to their conversations, their little jokes, and found- amazingly enough- I really liked them. One day I had many packs of apple gum, I decided to throw them at Mikey to get his attention (I really do hurt the ones I love [see where the the pseudo masochism comes in?]) and one of the girls from the group (Heather as I found out later) pounced upon the gum and claimed it. Mikey whined a bit saying, "It hit me in MY head, it should be MY gum." But Heather kept the gum so I threw another pack at Mikey whereupon a boy from the group (Heather's brother Pyke [as I later found out]) snatched the gum up. Mikey pouted and turned to me and said, "can I have one?" In spite of myself I smiled and threw him one. After that we were all friends, though I was somewhat in denial for a few days. They would introduce me as their friend and I would say, "no I'm not!" and instead of sitting with them I would stand a little bit off, with my skate board, but after a week I gave up the silly pretense and started hanging out with them officially, and we became the best of friends. Me and Parker Wonn especially, who was a boy in that group. He was sarcastic, crazy, intelligent, and he had his own car. He and I eventually became partners in crime. He took me to my first anime com, and I was VERY much in love with him, but his girlfriend (at the time) was one of the most beautiful, sweet, and talented actresses I knew at the time (besides Gnadia) so basically I kept quiet. He went off to college and we started summer school, and there were quite a number of us (from the group) that had to go. We enjoyed our time together, and I'm pretty sure we all passed. The next year, though got to be to much pressure for me, and I dropped out and started going to the adult school. The adult school was uneventful, but fun in that "I'm getting shit I need to get done, done" kinda way. Then I moved to a new town, where I currently reside, and that was the end of the traumatic high school years. So tomorrow, we will talk about renfaire and how wonderful my fiancee is. Ooh and I got the material for my Halloween costume (which I have to start working on) I'm going to be Alice from Alice in Wonderland. P.s no news on my writer friend yet, but I'll be sure to tell you when I hear from her! P.p.s wow really long post- sorry guys :) Tags: alice in wonderland, angry teen, biolar disorder, comic book artist, comic book artists, friends, high school, j_chaotica, skateboards
Current Location: California
Current Mood:  accomplished
Current Music: Placebo- Meds featuring Alison Mosshart
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Yes, I did mean to post an entry on Friday, but as the boyfriend called in sick (and this is a secret) I could not safely and discreetly post. Saturday and Sunday I was at Ren Faire so, of course I couldn't post. Today's post was going to be short because I had work, but I called in because I've screwed up my back. So no, I was not captured my ninjas, and I was not being held against my will and being forced to eat cotton candy. I am perfectly alright- paranoid as ever, and doubly as vigilant, but doing well otherwise. So... I promised you some recollection of my high school experience. Like I've said before high school was pretty bad. I'm a very social person, but, like I've said before, I'm a little crazy, (and I like commas :) ) so it takes a certain kind of brilliance for me to like you, and a certain kind of pseudo masochism to like me. This is why I had a very small, but VERY devoted set of friends at my first high school, (for fun we'll call it Shang High). This tight knit group of friends was basically held together by my band (a little garage band) and my best friend Nadia (whose name I will spell as Gnadia when referring to her in the future) who is the most creative, beautiful, brilliant person I know. During my sophomore year Gnadia had some really bad problems at home with her father, so they sent her to live with her mother, which was good because she was out of the bad situation, but bad because her mother lives in Texas, and the rest of us are here in Cali. With her gone everything around me fell apart, I started hanging out with a boy named Pain (remember these are just silly pseudonyms). Me and Pain became really good friends, his girlfriend didn't much like me, but our friendship was truly innocent at first. One night we were watching The Nightmare Before Christmas and we started fooling around... "fooling around" and that's when our relationship became more than innocent. My old friends who has stuck to me when Gnadia was around, now had some weird hatred building towards me and started spreading rumors that Pain and myself were sleeping together, which was only partially true because we never actually went all the way (I was still a virgin), which they had no way of knowing- because we hadn't told anybody. Pain thought that I had started the rumor, and I thought he had started it out of guilt, so we stopped talking, and we were at each others throats for a couple of weeks. His girlfriend and her friends were giving me shit (Pain too) so for a few weeks, not only did I not have my old friends, but I didn't have Pain. I started hiding, I stopped going to the clubs I used to go to, because that's were my old friends were. I stopped hanging out in the courtyard, cause that's were Pain, his girlfriend, and all their friends hung out. I started handing out with Matt (Vendetta) and Erin (In N' Out) under the shadowy walkway. They were the inspiration for my first comic written and inked by me. In the end, though, as much fun as Vendetta and In N' Out were, the harassment was getting worse, and eventually I switched schools. High schools number two and three are pretty short stories, so we'll cover those tomorrow, as today's post was (again) longer than I expected. So tomorrow: High schools numbers two and three, and how awesome my fiancee truly is, and here's a button- for fucks sake.  P.s. One of my writers may or may not be making an account. She said she'd think about it... so keep your fingers crossed! Tags: best friend, buttons, comic book artist, comic book artists, high school, j_chaotica, love
Current Location: California
Current Mood:  drained
Current Music: musicovery.com
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dictionary.com defines longing as such- noun1.strong, persistent desire or craving, esp. for something unattainable or distant: filled with longing for home.2.an instance of this: a sudden longing to see old friends.
adjective3.having or characterized by persistent or earnest desire: a longing look.
Have you ever longed for someone? I mean wanted, and craved their company so much that when you are near them you can feel your heart trying to jump from your chest to their hands? I wish I was talking about my fiancee, but the truth is there's a boy who I've loved longer, and more fiercely than my boy friend. We'll call him Marko. Basically, I've known him since i moved to this area (about 6 years), and it seems that luck is ALWAYS against us. Last year Marko finally told me that he had a crush on me, and by that time i had been seeing my fiancee for 3 months.
I didn't leave my fiancee for Marko because my fiancee loves me very much, and it was never in question, while on the other hand, I've waited for any kind of sure sign from Marko for five years, basically chasing shadows. Marko respected my decision more than I did, i tried to kiss him once about a month later and he pushed me away. I don't think I've ever been so embarrassed , and I don't think I've ever deserved it more. Since then I've been completely faithful. Marko and I still talk a lot (he, my fiancee, and myself are all in the same circle of friends) and now he's dating one of the leading ladies in the play his band is doing the music for.
My soul hurts.
I promised you guys some serious topics yesterday, lets start with high school. (and here's the update on the buttons)
So high school for me , like so many others before me, sucked.
You know I promised so much for today, but I didn't think I would spend so much time time on Marko (how typical), and I have to do some "before the weekend" shopping, so how about I cover one of these topics for each post, and not get to ahead of myself...
Tomorrow: high school- I promise
j.ChaoticaTags: buttons, comic book artist, comic book artists, infidelity, j_chaotica, longing, promises
Current Location: California
Current Mood:  weird
Current Music: Wicked the musical soundtrack (again)
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Hi my name is jimmie, and i steal buttons. (but that's not my occupation, lol) I work at an womens clothing store, and when the women lose the buttons off of the clothes, I pick them up and take them home. The alternative being that I take them to the front desk where they are put in a drawer and never see the light of day again. So I liberate them! Theses are the buttons I've had before today...  and i added these yesterday...  that's the way i work. I'm a comic book artist. I do some indie crap, and I love it. I have a fiancee who is amazing- but he doesn't know about my comic book job. It's kinda like being a super hero myself: by day the slightly crazy {First name} {Last name}, and employee at a women's clothing store- by night James "jimmie" Chaotica, LJ blogger and freelance comic book artist. Yeah, i like that. Right now I'm working a booklet of quick art (possibly in story form) to send to prospective writers. If there are people out there who want one (fans, writers, and otherwise) send me a message that has either your snail mail address or the address of your closest comic book store that might hold mail for you. (Make sure you tell them before I send it, I don't wanna look stupid :) ) if you wanna send me fan mail that isn't electronic, I'm working on getting a P.O. box- and I'll inform you once that happens. Basically my life is like that of any nine-teen year old girl. I'm an actress, a singer, an artist, a seamstress, (an on-again off-again poet), a lover, a sister.. among other things. Tomorow: we'll talk about high school, Ren Faire, infidelity, what makes me crazy, La Petite Resistance, LG15, and the subject of my quick art book Tags: art, buttons, comic book artist, fan mail, j_chaotica, secret identities, secret identity
Current Location: california
Current Mood:  optimistic
Current Music: wicked the musical soundtrack
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